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View Full Version : Chuck Norris Site closed down feeling sad !



OnlineRender
03-13-2009, 05:17 AM
My all time fav Chuck Norris site has shut down !

Basically you googled up Chuck you went on the page and it said quote

"you dont find Chuck , Chuck Norris finds you "

heres some of fav chuck lines











If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

lol more at www.chucknorrisfact.com

shrox
03-13-2009, 05:26 AM
Maybe this will get you through this difficult time:

http://www.david-carradine.com/

OnlineRender
03-13-2009, 05:28 AM
Maybe this will get you through this difficult time:

http://www.david-carradine.com/



Legend now i can breath easy :)

shrox
03-13-2009, 05:37 AM
David Carradine is [email protected]

Neverko and Shrox find common ground...let the Kung Fu tv marathon begin!

shrox
03-13-2009, 05:51 AM
You bring the flicks, I'll bring the brew :)

We could have Chinese food, but then in an hour we would be hungry again...for power!

rezman
03-13-2009, 09:09 AM
Of course you could always go here:
http://www.chucknorris.com/

beverins
03-13-2009, 11:35 AM
Considering Chuck wants to be President of Texas... maybe all this is going to his head.

akademus
03-13-2009, 12:27 PM
Considering Chuck wants to be President of Texas... maybe all this is going to his head.

He is a perfect person for that. Portrays the Texans :D

AdamAvenali
03-13-2009, 12:46 PM
i can say that i do miss the days of living back home in rural pennsylvania on the farm where we only got two channels on our tv. every night at 7 after the news was over was a full hour of walker texas ranger goodness. ahhh.. the memories haha

torontozur
03-14-2009, 11:04 PM
Oh god chucky leaving us noooo

AbnRanger
03-15-2009, 02:00 PM
Chuck ain't going no'where! It's the bad actors that better get movin'

jasonwestmas
03-15-2009, 02:18 PM
David. . .what a character he is. :)

MachineClaw
03-16-2009, 12:22 PM
Sorry but I've always loved Sonny Chiba over all others. He still is the best Karate Pimp in my book.

btw Sonny Chiba made the sword for The Bride that killed David Carradine in Kill Bill.

I remember as a teen ager going to see a triple feature Sonny Chiba Street Fighter, Chuck Norris Octagon and Bruce Lee Enter The Dragon. Ahh those were the days.

erikals
03-16-2009, 07:33 PM
well, no one beats me, i have a Chuck Norris T-shirt... :king:

Hopper
03-16-2009, 08:26 PM
well, no one beats me, i have a Chuck Norris T-shirt... :king:
If he finds out you took his shirt, he will most certainly beat you. And since it's HIS shirt, you'd better watch out. The shirt itself might beat you.

erikals
03-17-2009, 03:53 AM
Lol, :D

shrox
03-17-2009, 04:05 AM
Wait, I thought Norris was a good guy who only used violence when necessary, like if somebody's car alarm is going off at 3:00am, or when somebody is using their cell phone at the cinema.

MacDoggie
03-17-2009, 12:20 PM
Considering Chuck wants to be President of Texas... maybe all this is going to his head.

Yeah, it's kind of a joke around here (In Texas) the bloke's not even from Texas....

We already have to live down our responsibility for producing the idiot who has managed wreak our nation after two terms in office. I don't know if Texas can handle any more claims to this type of fame ...

Cheers

adamredwoods
03-17-2009, 02:24 PM
http://www.nochucknorris.com/

ha! :)

erikals
03-17-2009, 02:46 PM
Lol,... well, i knew they where gonna take it down one day, so dowloaded the html...


Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ******* beef.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Jeep.


When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

When Chuck Norris goes cow-tipping, he lifts a cow up and drop kicks it into the neighboring farm. All the other cows simply tip themselves over to keep from having to walk back in the dark.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is.

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a ***** would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of ***** Chuck Norris eats.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

The Pentagon's proposal to develop a bomb which would turn enemy soldiers gay has been called "ridiculous" and "absurd." However, most critics agree that a bomb to turn friendly soldiers into Chuck Norris would be "really ******* awesome."

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

Chuck Norris used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better ******* do what Chuck Norris says.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

erikals
03-17-2009, 02:48 PM
(untill he finds this...) [help]

OnlineRender
03-17-2009, 05:13 PM
http://www.nochucknorris.com/

ha! :)

Legend you found it

don_culbertson
03-17-2009, 06:51 PM
My favorite:

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Don

Hopper
03-17-2009, 08:16 PM
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

It's amazing how painful it is to have scotch come out through your nose.

OnlineRender
03-18-2009, 04:18 AM
It's amazing how painful it is to have scotch come out through your nose.

so hopper you like scotch i have a bottle of 12 year old Crawfords 5 star deluxe Scotch whisky Rego no 916191 made in Glasgow "obv older than 12 years now ", still boxed worth 200 gbp or $350 i know for certian you cant buy it anymore if your interested ! p.s im Scottish i know my alchol :)

shrox
03-18-2009, 05:03 AM
Well, David Carradine just signed on to be in our movie! How on topic is that?

OnlineRender
03-18-2009, 05:09 AM
Well, David Carradine just signed on to be in our movie! How on topic is that?

nice ,i dare you tell him chuck says hes going to kick his *** ! lol nice work dude !